"O" is for Out loud Editing

A to Z Blogging Challenge: "O" is for Out loud Editing

Writing Exercise: Read your writing out loud as a way to edit. Re-work any sentences that you stumble over.

For this exercise, I've chosen to read a passage from the book I'm working on. Feel free to offer your suggestions for this piece in the Comments Section!


Excerpt from The Library Chronicles - Guardians of the Secret, Chapter 22 - Estabel
By Dawn M. Hamsher

The cave wasn’t big, but it was was small and very cozy.  In the center was a stone fire ring. ring of stones, in which a warm, A small crackling fire was burning. It's, sending light dancinged on the stone room's walls.  A narrow crack in the ceiling sucked the rising smoke up and out. Crocks and wooden bowls sat on a A natural stone ledge held some crocks and wooden bowls. On a stump sat a and a pewter pitcher and basin. rested on an old stump in the corner. To the side lay a mat and bedding.

“If you still want to stay, you can sleep there,” the man said, motioning to the other side of the fire.  Then he pulled off his hood, folded his hands, and waited for his guests’ reactions.

There was utter silence as they stood staring at him in horror. He had expected that, but it still hurt. Every mouth dropped opened, eyes bulged, and Danya gasped. 

Tension and fear filled the cave.

The man’s skin looked as if it had been dusted in a fine volcanic ash.  In the shadows of the cave, it was hard to make out his features. he almost blended in like an apparition.  It was almost as if he wasn’t there. As their eyes adjusted to in the dim fire light, they could see that he had dark, gray brittle hair with lighter white streaks running from his brow. The man's eye sockets were sunken and dark, but his eyes were watchful and soft, -- a shuddering contrast.  The man’s leathery skin seemed to be was stretched so thin over his skull that his features were contorted/grotesque. It was almost like looking at a preserved mummy corpse -- something that should not be walking and talking.  

He The man had expected this response  that, but it still hurt. 

They stood staring at him, unable to speak. It was Mr. Hodge who broke the silence.