Flash Fiction Blogfest
Hosted by Ali Cross.
250 words about "Independence Day".
Hosted by Ali Cross.
250 words about "Independence Day".
________________________________
Independence Day
by Dawn M. Hamsher
by Dawn M. Hamsher
Salvo crossed the busy street, oblivious to the rushing traffic and honking horns. He could only think of one thing. Gina. How could she? The text was short. It ripped his heart. And then he just saw red. With each step, he clenched and unclenched his fists. The words screamed at him.
we r done
***
Gina bit her lip. She had the text ready an hour ago. She zipped her bag and looked one last time around her apartment. Her thumb hovered over the button. She took a deep breath and pressed SEND. Her heart pounded. She’d done it. Two years of dealing with his anger. He’d blow up and then shower her later with flowers and fine dining, kissing her forehead with apologies. Last night, though, was the last time.
She left the phone on the couch and grabbed her things, wincing from the bruises. He never beat her were it showed. Then she closed the door. She could hear the phone already ringing and knew he’d be on the way. She sniffed. It didn’t matter. She’d be long gone and he’d never find her. The tears began to flow, but she kept walking. He did love her, she knew that, but she wasn’t going back. Not this time.
She slipped onto a subway car, into a corner seat. Reality set in. She had left her job, her friends – all without a word. She had left him. She hugged her bag close and shut her eyes. The train rocked back and forth. She was finally free.
______ _______ ________ ________ ________ ______ _______ _______ _______
As soon as I saw the theme "Independence Day", I knew I would not be writing about flags and fireworks. I recently saw a drama presented by Women In Need, an organization that helps victims of abuse. Six women stood up and told stories inspired by real life. There were heart-wrenching tales of women who continually went back to abusive situations. I wanted to write a story about a woman who was able to break free and have her own Independence Day.
Prayer: Dear Jesus, May all who are abused, turn to you for strength and courage to break the cycle. Surround them with your comfort and healing power. Amen.
This powerful, Dawn, and empowering. You have certainly mastered Flash Fiction!
ReplyDeleteBlessings my friend!
Pam at www.2encourage.blogspot.com
When I first read "Independence Day" I thought of the country song by Martina McBride, which deals with domestic violence.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your interpretation very much. I especially liked how you hinted at the situation by showing and not telling in the first paragraph - With each step, he clenched and unclenched his fists.
Very powerful, heart-wrenching story. I wish everyone in abusive situations was able to do this!
ReplyDeleteThat was wonderful, and a true independence day glory, and it was unexpected. Good job.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great take on Independence day. A friend of mine wrote a book called Not Another Sarah- Avoiding and Escaping Abuse. You can find it on Amazon. She lived the experience. It was alarming and eye opening.
ReplyDeleteYes! She left the bastard behind. Striving for independence isn't easy. Nice writing.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love your story! I used to volunteer at a women's shelter and did a weekly activity with the children who where there with their mothers who finally decided to break the cycle of abuse and leave. It takes so much courage and it's totally hard - but so absolutely worth it. Thanks for sharing your piece!
ReplyDeleteThis is so inspiring. Thank you for writing about this.
ReplyDeleteNicely done - so sad. But I'm cheering for her!!!
ReplyDeleteWow. So moving. Leaving a relationship like that is really tough and you've captured so much of it.
ReplyDeleteOh Dawn, this is beautiful. I hope more women in the world have Gina's courage to walk away. But what a scary thing. That's independence at a price, for sure.
ReplyDeletevery nice and great imagery. I really liked your take on Independence day! it was a fun flash fiction exercise for sure!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful writing. I thought your piece was lovely. And moving. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThis is certainly good writing! Women everywhere need this message. It can never be stressed enough.
ReplyDeleteThat was beautiful. Heartbreaking, but beautiful. Good for her!!!
ReplyDeleteNot to be critical, because it works well as is, but I think she shouldn't have even sent the text. Just leave. Let him wonder what happened.
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my page.
Building Castles on the Beach
very good Dawn
ReplyDeleteI think I resembled that remark about 30 years ago. (without the text message.) Very messy relationship that only a 18 yo could find exciting. Found your blog from Lucy Adams. Enjoyed the writing. The hair poem -- hysterical.
ReplyDeletePowerful, indeed. Well done. Really gives a different perspective to it.
ReplyDeleteWow! Touching. Profound.
ReplyDeletePam -- Thank you! Blessings to you too!
ReplyDeleteBrianna -- I've been trying to do more "showing". It's hard to break the habit.
Nisa -- Yes, me too. The cycle of violence is so sad.
Mel -- Thank you. I'm glad you liked it!
Cathy -- Oh, I'm so sorry for your friend. Fiction is one thing. Non-fiction is another. It is good that she wrote it down and hopefully it will help others.
Mary -- Wish they could all be stories like this OR better yet, stories with no abuse at all!
Danyelle -- Oh, the children. That is heart-breaking what they have to go through too.
Gail -- Thank you so much!
Stacy -- Me too. I could have written more about what thoughts are going through her mind.
Kayeleen -- Thank you for commenting!
Ali -- Definitely a price was paid!
Debbie -- Glad you liked it. I thought this was fun too.
Julie -- Glad you liked it. Thank you for stopping by.
Lacie -- Thank you so much, Lacie. Your comment made me feel so good.
Karen -- I'm so glad Gina touched you. I did my job. :0)
Brent -- Thanks for your opinion! I wanted a little tension in there and I wanted you to get a glimpse of Salvo at the opening and the text allowed that. In real life, NO WAY would I'd send a text. I'd just be...gone. :0)
Patti -- Thanks for reading, girlfriend!
South -- Yes, we all make some young, dumb mistakes don't we? I just pray that young women are able to learn from the mistakes and know their own worth and get out (and not go back!).
Donna -- I appreciate your comment.
Shelly -- Thank you, Shelly!
All I can say is wow! That was amazing and so incredibly powerful.
ReplyDeleteGreat job!
Samantha
Sam -- Thank you! I appreciate your visiting and commenting!
ReplyDelete